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What
do divorce, death of a loved one, being fired, a job restructuring,
and not getting a project or promotion, have in common?
They
each can bring about an intense sense of loss. If not dealt
with properly by going through the various stages of the Mourning
Process, they each can lead to serious problems with our health,
our finances, our personal and work life.
American
society tends to recognize that after the loss of a loved
one, or a divorce, there are a series of emotions that must
be worked through in order to completely heal or recover and
move on.
Unfortunately,
north American society does not recognize that being fired,
going through job restructuring, being turned down for a project
or promotion, having an accident, contracting a serious illness,
ending a relationship (intimate or otherwise), requires the
same series of mourning process steps.
Studies
have shown that the loss of a job tends to be harder for a
man to deal with than the loss of a loved one. For a woman,
the opposite tends to be true. Of course, there are exceptions.
Men typically get their feeling of self worth from their career.
Women typically feel self worth from several aspects of their
life: career, home, family, etc. If all of these are not satisfying,
a woman doesn't feel "O.K." about herself.
Which
is worse - depending solely on a job for happiness, or not
being able to be happy if absolutely everything isn't working?
There are ways to move beyond both of these traps - that's
another story.
Humans
have to mourn all losses in order to be whole. The loss can
be in love, status, finance, friendship, health, anything.
Unfortunately, few people have the tools to mourn and heal.
Most don't realize they have anything to mourn about. Even
though society approves of mourning death, few people are
taught how. It's a rare individual that knows the stages.
Most people can't recognize when they are in one of them.
Often a person gets stuck in one of the stages and stays there
for years, possibly even until they die.
The
Stages of the Mourning Process:
-
denial
-
sadness
-
anger
-
bargaining
-
acceptance
We
mourn loss whether we understand the stages or not. The point
is in learning what the stages are, knowing when we are experiencing
a loss, feeling the emotions fully, healing while it's happening,
and moving on with our life.
There
are people at the opposite end of the spectrum who understand
the mourning process and spend their whole lives "processing"
the past. They find out, through any number of techniques,
that they were abused as children, or some other horrendous
thing. They see every therapist, try every therapy, take courses,
read books, and in the end haven't healed and still feel like
victims. This is not healing!
"Bad"
things are not the only one's requiring mourning. It can be
the loss, or death, of a part of our life for something better.
Beginning to menstruate means the death of the "little
girl." A promotion, a marriage, a move to a bigger and
better house, a fancy new car - these are all positive changes
that bring about the loss, or death, of the old way. There
is a time of transition, of mourning, for the old way to make
room for the new.
Mourning
doesn't have to be a long drawn out process. It depends on
the individual, how fully they allow themselves to feel things
in the moment, and their understanding of the stages of mourning.
Healing old wounds allows us to feel more love, joy, and happiness.
It also aids in improving our self esteem and our health.
Years
of accumulated unmourned losses leave us feeling burdened,
like life is a struggle, and out of joy. Profound healing
takes place as we review the major events in our lives, feel
the intense emotions that exist around each one, and finally
let them go.
Blessings,
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Copyright (c) Forchianna L.L.C.
About the Author:
Debbie "Takara" Shelor is a #1 bestselling author, award-winning transformational speaker, engineer, and consultant. She provides tools, training, and support to authors, teachers, coaches, group leaders, and other individuals who are tired of feeling stuck and are ready to catapult themselves and their clients into high gear both personally and professionally. She acts as a catalyst of radical positive change for both individuals and organizations. She is the creator of Dancing
Dolphin Energy Healing Aromatherapy Products and many other
high vibration technologies. Her free email newsletter, Here's to Your Magnificence, is read by several thousand
people from around the globe. She offers consulting, energy healing sessions, and teaches transformational seminars online, on land and
at sea. She can be contacted at www.MagnificentU.com. Get your FREE 7 Secrets to Dancing Through Life EmPOWERed, EnRICHed, and Living in Joy eBook and learn to catapult your own life into high gear to be more healthy, happy, and successful as you define success.
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